Heimweh

Heimweh is the German word for homesickness. Even though I thought that I was immune to Heimweh, it turns out that I was wrong. It hit me this past week...for the first time in my life. In general, I am not accustomed to missing people. I am usually capable of focusing on the 'now' and not looking back for long enough to realize what I am missing. I slipped up and let myself feel it.

I wish I were better able to articulate my feelings...but that's not my fortay. For anyone who has experienced homesickness (real, true homesickness...not just missing macaroni and cheese)... Heimweh is the ache in your heart that struggles to understand why you would ever decide to leave behind so much. When there is a place for you that you love and loves you in return, why would you leave that behind? Even for one moment? If there has ever been anything more counterintuitive, I know not of it. It is the foreground for one of the many battles between my brain and my heart. God must have given me both my brain and my heart with the intention of me using both. I am supposed to be feeling this way. This feeling is a part of growing up and I can be consolled in this realization. I'll never get anywhere if I don't grow up.

I am really thankful for two very special people that I met here in Germany. They were there for me during my first battle with homesickness. That was really important...and I'm getting through it just fine because of them. I am so lucky.

On a lighter note, I really need to scold whoever allowed so many songs to be produced and released about California. Lennie Kravitz, the Mamas and the Papas, and even Biggie are all conspiring against me. Soon after recovering from my spell of homesickness, I swear that every other song I heard was about California. There were even some that I have never heard before...